Fuck these people. They’re fake. I’m tired of missing people who don’t exist anymore. I’m tired of hoping and wishing and praying someone new and caring will enter my life. I’m tired of the cruelty I witness daily, and way people react with nonchalance. Up until now I’ve held out hope for humanity, but now I see you all crystal clear. At the end of the day you don’t care about anyone but yourself. There’s no point in investing my time on someone who will walk away without looking back. I sit and listen to you, you’re problems, fears and accomplishments, not because I should but because I care. But when I have something to say you aren’t here. You have no interest. It pisses me off. No respect. Only judgement and condescension. But you don’t know me. You don’t think about what’s under my skin. What I really am. I’d tell you if you’d listen. Ive been screaming. But you just laugh ans point you’re fingers, only to forget me in an instant.
These emotions are monsters.
They’re out of control
They fracture my mind,
And live in my soul.
Demons consume me,
Guilt and regret.
I can not bear them,
But I can’t forget.
Body too small,
Mind is too weak
To hold this anguish
To hold this grief.
It locks me away
In a dark place.
Curled into a ball
Hands cover my face
When I am here,
I try to resist
The sweetest temptation,
Not to exist.
I am afraid,
Afraid of myself.
Something is wrong,
I think I need help.
Something is hiding
Inside of my brain.
There is a lot
That I can’t explain.
It’s in my blood,
Running through my veins.
I open them up,
To help it escape.
I use a smile
To hide my shame.
Don’t hug me just hit me
I’d rather feel pain.
Cigarette burns
Speckle my legs
I hold them dear,
They are my friends.
The hashes and cuts,
Turn to white pearly scars.
A beautiful metamorphosis,
I have come far.
But the evil inside me,
It’s hard to ignore.
Gone for three years,
Then back for more.
Sometimes I wonder
if ill ever escape.
I keep running
Into the arms of the blade.
